i’ve never had someone close to me die. i’ve never been to a funeral. i don’t know what i’m suppose to feel, say or think. i’m just lost in my own heartache. i’m trying to choke back my tears but it’s hard losing someone. because no matter how much you cry or how much you yell and and scream at your own frustration, they’re not coming back. the constant heartache will not bring them back. their soul… their spirit is gone. it’s truly upsetting to know that someone is not there anymore and will never be there ever again. someone who was there when you were born and was there for the biggest moments of the 20 years you’ve been alive … gone.
i feel a deep sadness from within. but at the same time i feel relieved.
i’m relieved that she’s in a better place. i’m relieved that she’s not in pain.
my grandma was a fighter. i remember she used to chase the nurses around and hit them with her walking cane because they didn’t bring her her thermos. she was the liveliest bunch at the senior home; always yelling and always impatient. she was a determined old lady. if a nurse did her wrong, she took the elevator downstairs and complained to the head office. nothing went past her. she was a feisty old grandma. she was a fighter. up till the hours of her death, she was still fighting.
she’ll always be that fighter to me.